Many clients have admired family meetings from a distance, but they don’t know how to implement them in their own families. Other clients have questioned this idea of sitting down as a family to talk wondering, “Why in the world would we do that?”
The research is strong regarding the benefits of family meetings, especially in this fast-paced hectic world. Some of the benefits include taking time to connect, building a child’s self-esteem, learning compromise and cooperation, understanding other people's perspectives, and gives children value and purpose.
By including children in decision-making and problem-solving, they feel like they have a voice and are more connected to the family. They learn to take into account more than just their perspective and they feel they have responsibility for the group not just their well-being.
Here are 5 simple steps to having a great family meeting. We encourage you to make time and space in your family schedule to incorporate this beneficial parenting tool.
Step 1: Choose a natural time and place.
So often when we think about family meetings, we think that it must be formal both in location and process. The exact opposite is true. Family meetings should be casual and comfortable for both parents and kids. Take into consideration the time that most of the family will be engaged. Try to avoid times when your family is hungry, tired, or there are added stressors happening. The more natural it feels the more natural the conversation will feel. Some great places to hold your family meeting include around the dinner table, sitting on the couch, outdoors, or away at a special family location.
Step 2: Decide on the purpose in advance.
It is important to establish an objective before you schedule the family meeting. Is this meeting to discuss an on-going family conflict or is this meeting to do some family goal planning? Determining a purpose ahead of time gives everyone a chance to think about their role in the meeting and what they hope to expect from the discussion. Some kids do not like being put on the spot, so advanced planning allows for children to prepare and feel like they are not being rushed or pressured. Family meetings can be held for a variety of reasons including deciding on upcoming vacations, family goal planning, awards, allowance, family financial talks/decisions, as well as problem-solving.
Step 3: Give everyone time to share.
Yes, this means even the littlest family member will get to weigh in on the family discussion! One of the biggest needs of children is to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. What better way to show them that they belong than giving them a voice at the table. We as parents need to make a huge effort to listen to what our kids are sharing during this time and find ways that we can validate our children’s needs. This does not mean giving them what they want. It simply means that we can empathize and acknowledge how they are feeling. This setting provides a safe place for our kids to express scary negative emotions.
Step 4: Assign responsibility and discuss the means of measurement.
Have you ever left a meeting and said to yourself, “Well that was a waste of time!” Time is such an important commodity, and we want to be sure to honor each family member. When your family meeting is over each person should have one action item and a way that they will be held accountable for that action item. This does not only have to be correction based. You may want to try to find ways to connect as a family. Do not fall into the pits of negativity and always looking for what is going wrong. Find what is going well!!!
Step 5: Celebrate!
A family meeting should not always be about fixing problems or discussing tough topics. Each family meeting should have time scheduled to build one another up. Some great ideas to try include: sharing how you saw one another use their strengths since the last family meeting, award humorous prizes that can be voted on by all family members, play fun music and have a 5-minute dance party, dress up when attending the family meeting, or serve a special treat during the family meeting. Anything that encourages connection and joy within the family will make a family meeting more enjoyable for all. This will also motivate you to consistently schedule family meetings; it is a time to have fun as well as motivate our kids to want to attend.